BBRoundtable

I hate moving but I am packing up and moving into a bigger house.
Me and my girlfriend are going to live together so we had to get a bigger house.
We found a nice 4 bedroom home in a very nice neighborhood, not near a busy street and across town from the crazy ex. (she lives about 3/4 of a mile from me now)
When we saw the house we knew it was what we wanted. It has a fireplace fenced backyard to let the kids out and play in,a screen porch on the south side and 1 car garage,which will be used for storage. It looks to be a pain to get in and out of being that the house is on a corner lot and the garage is built into the back and north side of the house.
We should be moving next week.
I'll be able to finally save some money after we get settled in since we are splitting the cost of everything.
Downside,school starts Tuesday here and the kids aren't going to be able to help much but it's not suppose to be as hot either like it has been the past 2 months. Kids are excited and the fight is on about the bedrooms for the kids.The rooms are all big but they all want the middle room so we are going to draw numbers and do it that way.

Hey Shawn! Congratulations on the new house! Are you buying it or just renting?

Either way, hope all goes well with the move!

Just renting it.My ex ruined me ever owning a home in this lifetime since she let the house I was buying go back to the bank.
I'll be glad to be away form her and hiding again where she can' t find us!

Ahh yes, I remember that!

Are you all moved in now?

How's work going? Any weirdo customers entertaining you these days?

Congratulations, Shawn! I'm glad to learn that you've
taken the next step in this relationship and that
having a comfortable area for yourself and y-
our family is the purpose. My g/f and I a-
re still "a work in progress" so we hav-
e much more to do before we get t-
o that point. It's a shame that t-
he actions of your ex still ha-
unt you in a way by way o-
f home ownership. I w-
onder if bankruptcy
can help. One pr-
oblem with th-
is route is
that yo-
u'd h-
ave to w-
ait more tha-
n 7 years (up to
10 from my unders-
tanding) before you're
eligible to apply for credi-
t again and other opportunit-
ies may not be available to you
afterwards. Check the link below t-
o learn more if you are interested or j-
ust want to know more about the process.


click here, please...



I too hope that all goes
well with the proc-
ess of movin-
g for your
famil-
y.



(Way to go, Shawn!)

We are moved in well kinda lol.We have most of the stuff here and just small things that can be done by car to bring and then the cleaning of the 2 places. I worked on it from 7pm last night until 230 this morning.After eating and shower I was worn out. I had to change clothes a few times I was sweating and it's not as hot as it has been the last 2-3 months. Best week to move:)
Now the bad. I over done it way to much to the point I had to go to the Dr this afternoon and ask for some Vicodin. He was going to give me a 7 day supply but I told him just give me 5 days.That will keep me from addiction and no withdrawals when I stop in a few days. I won't go the entire 5 days on them,maybe 2 at the most. I have battled drug abuse for 6 years.This is the first of the Vicodin since March of this year when I stopped and went on Tylenol 3 with codeine to keep the withdrawals from vicodin at bay,which worked out nicely.I missed no work and felt 100% normal. My RA Dr was freakin amused I done that within 7 weeks, but I told him when I told him my plan,he was skeptical about it,But my experience with opiates came in handy.
Anyways,this house is just amazing. Kids have their big rooms now and we aren't all stuffed in here like my old house.No arguments about anything has happened since this is a neutral ground and all of ours.It was a problem at my old house.Glad that is over. The dog loves the fenced yard and has been running himself crazy when it is time to go potty. Everything is going great and I feel good about starting this chapter of my life.Believe me there was anxiety leading up to now. Even with couples therapy,we both had a lot of pent up anxiety but that has passed and we know what to expect now.We are continuing therapy for a few more months,going to try and go a full 6 months and evaluate from there and see if we still need to go.It has helped us settle many things between us.
I did make my ex aware I moved and she will not find us.(through a mutual friend)I am not on a busy street so there is no reason whatsoever that she needs to be around the house.Now I can get her for violation of the protective order easier.

I'm sorry to hear that you over did it a bit, but it's good that you've managed
the medicinal intake with great reserve. Very impressive! I'm glad to he-
ar that you recovered after the exhaust. I guess after you've experi-
enced the 6 years of prescription abuse and undergoing the sym-
ptoms, you know what to expect and do what's necessary to
prevent from traveling that same route. That's the mat-
ure perspective to have and how wisdom is gained.
I'm glad to hear that your kids are enjoying the
new place (no squabbles... laughs) and tha-
t your dog is pleased with the addition-
al room to move. By the way, the d-
octors were surprised because d-
rug dealers are usually this w-
ay when a "customer" star-
ts to break away from
their control (aka,
the drugs). Un-
til you both
are able
to wo-
rk
things
out entire-
ly by yourselve-
s, the counseling s-
hould help, but when y-
ou both are even more in t-
une with each other... you may
find out that you both have the ans-
wers and solutions to the problems that
you both may face. Until then, you are head-
ed in the right direction. I wouldn't have let the
ex know of the moving, but you are more familiar w-
ith her and all that you are experiencing and have your
reasons (and with the mutual friend, at least your location
will continue to be a mystery). You still have compassion whic-
h is a rare trait after all you've been through. I'm learning quite a
bit from you and your experience. Thanks for the lesson in patience.

soloist wrote:I'm sorry to hear that you over did it a bit, but it's good that you've managed
the medicinal intake with great reserve. Very impressive! I'm glad to he-
ar that you recovered after the exhaust. I guess after you've experi-
enced the 6 years of prescription abuse and undergoing the sym-
ptoms, you know what to expect and do what's necessary to
prevent from traveling that same route. That's the mat-
ure perspective to have and how wisdom is gained.
I'm glad to hear that your kids are enjoying the
new place (no squabbles... laughs) and tha-
t your dog is pleased with the addition-
al room to move. By the way, the d-
octors were surprised because d-
rug dealers are usually this w-
ay when a "customer" star-
ts to break away from
their control (aka,
the drugs). Un-
til you both
are able
to wo-
rk
things
out entire-
ly by yourselve-
s, the counseling s-
hould help, but when y-
ou both are even more in t-
une with each other... you may
find out that you both have the ans-
wers and solutions to the problems that
you both may face. Until then, you are head-
ed in the right direction. I wouldn't have let the
ex know of the moving, but you are more familiar w-
ith her and all that you are experiencing and have your
reasons (and with the mutual friend, at least your location
will continue to be a mystery). You still have compassion whic-
h is a rare trait after all you've been through. I'm learning quite a
bit from you and your experience. Thanks for the lesson in patience.

It takes a lot of patience.I think my job has helped me with that part and dealing with my ex,as many times as I should of knocked the holy hell out of her and didn't.
She doesn't have a clue where we are.Kids are in the same schools.She just knows I am not where I was but hopefully will never find me.I watch what I do when coming home in case she tries to follow me. I am not on a busy street,maybe 30 cars a day pass through my neighborhood,just not very busy and very quiet (until I beat on the drums LOL)
We are starting to settle in more.We have everything here and have what was brought into the house put away,just got a garage full of stuff to dig through. I ran out of meds and have been taking it easy.I am back to my normal level of pain which isn't to bad as long as I don't pick up heavy items. I really need to go back to the Dr and have more test done. I was helping carrying up dressers that had no drawers in them and light,after 2 I had to stop,my back gave out on me.I think there is more damage now then ever before.I noticed it back in April but thought it was because I had just gotten off the pain meds and it was a side effect,4 months later,I am no better.I do have a few pills just in case I need them.I had a friend give them to me,but I won't take them unless I am in pain like I was last week and unable to walk down the stairs. I am very aware now of how bad the pain meds can be.I know my limit and can avoid addiction and will.
The 1st week here went well,even though I was sore for 4 days.Mainly just got to get the garage cleaned up and sorted so we can have a yard sale. We are using the money so the kids can decorate their rooms how they want them,then use what's left over towards the rest of the house. We have a lot of room here.I think this place is 2-3 times bigger then my last place.
We were suppose to have a dining room here but the drums kind of took that spot. Couldn't put them in the basement or bedroom and I have to play at least 5-6 hours a week so I am not as sore,so they landed in the dining room along with the my computer and the bird cage. We are looking at a booth type of setup that will fit in the corner.They are about $500 so it's on the list of things to buy. I'm considering a smaller drum kit for upstairs in the bedroom so I am not always stuck playing on the huge kit.I have enough cymbals and hardware,I'd just swap it back and forth when needed.
Since living here I have cut back on smoking.Since I either go outside or on the side porch to smoke,I get kind of lazy and just don't smoke.Was at 1 1/2 packs a day,not I am at 3/4 so I have cut my habit in half in a weeks time.
Not sure how much longer we will be doing therapy now that we are living together. We haven't had an argument yet and we have been around each other a lot more then we were before.I'm sure we annoy each other but that's normal.We just have to figure out each others ways of doing things.But it all seems to be going good. I honestly never thought I would find myself in a relationship that I would actually live with someone again. It was weird at first but I am adjusting well to it and she is also.She has never lived with anyone besides family so this is kind of new to her.She has had bad relationships in the past and never trusted anyone,and I don't know what I am doing different then anyone else,but whatever it is,it seems to be working for us both.
Soloist,relationships are always a work in progress.A lot of people get to comfortable and loose sight of things and start taking things for granted and then that's where it all goes wrong. I don't really travel out much if I am not working.Usually just to pay bills and now getting kids to and from school.Other then that I pretty much stay home if I can.My gf was just the opposite but now she is getting to be more like me,staying home when not working so we do spend a lot more time together then before. I think that was really our main problem,we didn't get much time together.
I know this will be a shocker but she asked me about having another child.It's a month away from her next shot and she went to her new Dr yesterday and explained to him what went on with the last pregnancy.She explained the incident when she had to fast and then have 8 tubes of blood drawn the next morning. He told her that at 2 months,that should not of been done and that the first 3 months is when a miscarriage is more likely. He thinks her body was thrown into shock and that is what harmed the last one. The timing is damn near perfect.She lost it at 8 week 6 days,the dates match very closely to when she conceived. I told her that I would think about it and we'll talk about it before her next appointment. I'm getting old and falling apart.Yeah I regret not having a 3rd child of my own but I sort of have 3 now that we are living together.I kind of joke and say I have 2 1/2 kids,it throws people off. I've also thought this way about it,it'd be nice to have 1 kid in common with her but I would want to wait another year for that.I'm skeptical about having any more with anyone after what I went through.I know she wouldn't stop me from seeing it if something did happen to our relationship,that's where she is so different then my ex,she doesn't seek revenge when we did get into argument and break up.
We've talked about getting married in a year or so and me adopting her daughter and again,something I would have to think about.I don't mind the getting married part but adopting her daughter would be a little weird for me. Just not sure I want to adopt a child I didn't have any hand in creating.I do treat her as my own and she sees me in that way and I feel that is enough.So we'll see how this works in the next year. I have a lot to think about.

I hope that you won't have to move anything larger and heavier than a pencil
for a while (laughs). A yard sale sounds good. This way, you can get rid o-
f items to make space for a better spot for those drums. I'm sure tho-
se are quite the challenge to maneuver through the house... so a
smaller set sound about right for convenience. Congratulation-
s on your smoking reduction. Whether it's due to laziness (l-
aughs) or not, it helps considerably since it's one of the k-
eys to getting your body to work better. Something els-
e that'll help with your body working well is a practic-
e that's so basic, yet taken for granted since it's n-
ot an overnight process and must be done on a
regular basis to be effective: simply drinkin-
g more water. Why? Well, all of the toxins
and food we put into our system don't g-
et full flushed out even after going t-
o the bathroom. Prune juice is hig-
hly effective, but I wouldn't reco-
mmend it if you leave the hou-
se often (laughs). But simply
drinking more water helps.
With those toxins out of
our body, it can opera-
te much better and
work better at b-
attling ailmen-
ts and keep-
ing disea-
ses aw-
ay a-
s well. T-
here's more
on this to ment-
ion, but I'll save th-
at for another time du-
e to time restraints (laugh-
s). I guess it's easy to know if
someone is following you, so if y-
our ex was tailgating you, it'll be ob-
vious. In a city-type atmosphere, this w-
ould be much more difficult to discover sinc-
e there's always many vehicles around, especial-
ly in areas where traffic is usually heavy. Yes, the k-
ey to relationships is patience, and with patience comes
understanding. This is something that my g/f and I are work-
ing on. While I have a good understanding of her and try to acco-
mdate her accordingly, she does have a good understanding of me. I
will get more into this another time though, because my time is just ab-
out running out (laughs). I'm getting ready for work in a bit. Indeed relation-
ships are works in progress and require a great deal of flexibility in terms of not
getting too comfortable and remaining focused on the goals needed to sustain and n-
uture the relationship. My situation is almost the opposite of yours in a way si-
nce I wouldn't mind helping her raise her youngest while not having any of
my own. Just as long as I can be a mentor to the youngest (help with h-
omework, take to school, give advice to, etc). I'm even ok with ado-
ption, just as long as we can both get along to help raise any chi-
ld we adopt. Ultimately, us getting along is the challenge sinc-
e she's been through a lot with her ex'es and is trying to ge-
t to understand me. She sees that I'm not like them, bu-
t she finds it difficult to completely let go of some
of the barriers she placed to keep from hurt. S-
he's making progress... but at a very slow r-
ate for the moment. Her youngest likes
me and is more comfortable with sp-
eaking to me about things that s-
he's going through than her M-
om, but I tell her than both
her Mom and myself are
good at some things
and not so much
in others (lau-
ghs). We b-
oth com-
plime-
nt
each o-
ther in ma-
ny ways which
is why we are tryi-
ng so hard to make it
work. Yes, you do have a
lot to think about, but take t-
hings one step at a time. You've
made a great deal of progress so far
and are taking steps to continue the cyc-
le... and for now, that's saying ever so much.

You brought up something I left out that I faced myself. My g/f has also had horrible past relationships and it did set us back from being able to move forward. That is where the therapy really worked the best,to show her how much different I am compared to her past relationships. For the longest time,she held me to them standards and it caused problems between us,it caused arguments between us and made the relationship rocky at times. I am the first person she has lived with and the only one who she has stayed with the longest. It wasn't easy considering what she put me through with the abortions and then the miscarriage,but for some reason I was never able to walk away and stay away. There has always been a connection between us that kept us coming back,even though we had a horrible past. My family wasn't liking the idea of us living together for them reasons,but since we have been here,everything has been fine. I can imagine what your girlfriend is going through and how hard it is for her,but stick with it and eventually she will see you are different then the others she had in the past. I know it's hard to,I've already been there,but to me,it was worth the wait. I have what I have wanted for a long time,a 2 parent family again and a decent relationship that I don't have to worry about being screwed over anymore.
As far as drinking water,since we live together now,she got 2 cases of bottled water and I have been drinking a lot more water then usual and eating better food. Since Oct of last year I have put on 30 pounds and I have never weighed more then 135 pounds. I am thinking the pop is doing it since I only eat once a day and a few snacks here and there.I just don't eat very much. I don't feel any different since I started smoking less but it is the first step in getting me closer to my goal to stop smoking all together. After 20 years I am ready to stop,but it's a hard habit to break.

Thanks for the advice, Shawn! I will do well to take heed. At first
it seemed as though I was teaching her patience, but she's t-
eaching me as much as I thought I was. Something else
I'm discovering is that the actions speak the loudes-
t, so I've got much more work to do. A troubled
past does create higher expectations and m-
ore challenges for the next... so in this,
I could understand the need for acti-
ons proving ones sincerity. I'm gl-
ad that you've gotten the rela-
tionship that you've wante-
d and I hope you all con-
tinue to do well. It's
great that your d-
iet has change-
d and that y-
ou're flus-
hing o-
ut y-
our sys-
tem with a-
ll of the water.
Just be certain no-
t to consume too muc-
h water because my Dad e-
xperienced the result of this f-
ollowed by an explanation from hi-
s doctor stating that too much water
will flush out the nutrients that your bod-
y is trying to store. Good luck with the smok-
ing habit. As with every degree of change, it will
take some time. My advice is just to slowly reduce t-
he quantity. Some may have the will power to quit all to-
gether, but your system needs to eliminate the nicotine fro-
m your body and your mind must remove the cravings... and bo-
th are easier said than done. So don't stop smoking right away. Sim-
ply attempt to reduce the amount of smoking that you do gradually. Eve-
ntually, the time spent smoking should drop enough that quitting will be mu-
ch easier to do. This is how I eliminated soda from my diet. I don't get the urge
to have them now. At one point, soda seemed as if it was calling me (laughs). Really!



Something else to consider is if there's something
that you are experiencing that was driving
you to smoke; by adjusting or elimin-
ating that something, the cause
for smoking should help you
get back in control. Wh-
ether it's stress or
any other chal-
lenge that
is ailin-
g yo-
u.

Thanks for the advice. I drink about 3-4 12 ounce bottles a day of water and I don't count the soda but should start keeping track. My g/f makes kool aid and other stuff for the kids,maybe I should start drinking some of that as well.I am kind of taking one thing at a time as far as changing things. The Soda really needs to go and she does nag on me about it.I'm always under a lot of stress,that's why I smoke.I smoke less at home then I do at work.
Me and her had a falling out yesterday and she left and stayed with her sister. She is coming back today and staying but there are things I found out that weren't so great and will take a great deal of time to get through. She knows I was very upset about it and I don't want to make it public,only one friend I trust knows and she came over after she left to help me get through.I have been up for IDK how many hours now,I just can't sleep until I see her.We have texted a few times this morning and she wants to still work it out after all that was done. Maybe getting married will solve both of our problems we have. I know I have made mistakes in the past in our relationship and said things I shouldn't have. I know yesterday was a very emotional day here.I couldn't handle seeing my kids cry because she walked out. Her daughter was very upset also because they all wanted this and were happy we were finally living together. Hopefully we can get past this and continue our relationship as planned. It's tough when both of us have been in bad relationships in the past. She didn't know how to handle it and left. It's going to take time to heal but I feel we have the what it takes to continue on.

While Kool Aid is not the best beverage, it's a great alternative to soda, so hopefully
that's an adjustment that can gradually be made. I kind of figured that work wo-
uld bring you to smoke more since it tend to be more stressful an atmosph-
ere than at home, though I'm sure home can win the trophy sometimes
as well (laughs). I'm sorry to hear of the falling-out. At least you bo-
th are willing to work it out after the ordeal. That's the beauty o-
f committed relationships/marriages... the willingness to ma-
ke it work for the sake of the family. This is concept that
drives my ambitions with my g/f, though at times it s-
eems as though she wants to leave her family and
start all over... but that's not possible to do w-
ithout consequences; those of which I don't
think she'll be ready for. The past will a-
ttempt to get in the way, but this is
why when getting into a new rela-
tionship, all of the past transg-
ressions must be buried so
they don't interfere with
the current relations-
hip. Yeah, easier
said than don-
e, right (la-
ughs)?
It won't b-
e easy and w-
ill take constant
work... but if you b-
oth have highest ambit-
ions for the relationship an-
d love each other that much, y-
ou both will be willing to make it w-
ork. Getting back to beverages, I tend
to make tea and smoothie to drink, though
it took me a looooong time to get used to them.
Now, it's easy for me, but the problem is that once y-
ou start changing your diet, it's going to be difficult to co-
ntinue since your entire family will have to gradually do the sa-
me... and that's even more of a challenge. But everything's done in
baby steps. From soda to kool aid, then kool aid to fruit juices (not fru-
it drinks) and hopefully you'll get into fruit smoothies (with no sugar) and te-
a's (using honey as a sweetener). And going back to smoking, I'm sure if work w-
asn't as stressful, you'd probably not smoke so much there. Is there anything that ca-
n be done to make your workplace less hostile? If the work itself is high volume in nature,
there's only so much you can do, and if your boss or co-workers are the problem, trying to be
away from the can help, but that option isn't always possible. I hope you find some ways to mak-
e your job easier so that you don't become overwhelmed. There's always at least one way that'll work.

Everything is kind of stressing me out,home,work kids ex.
Some things transpires over the last few weeks that aren't good. I really don't want to say,but moving was a huge mistake.
I've been doing pretty good as far as drinking more water and even started walking. There's a school close by with a track and I walk around it 4 times 3x a week. About all I can handle right now but I'll increase it as time goes on.

I'm sorry to hear that things are getting a bit hectic,
Shawn. Try to give it more time. Remember t-
hat this is a big step for you and your g/f
so there's going to be many hurdles t-
o leap before you both are able to
function as a single unit. Gett-
ing used to water is a chal-
lenge, especially with s-
o many other altern-
atives available
on the mark-
et. I do h-
ope t-
hat thing-
s get back to
normal for you, S-
hawn. I hope that ex
isn't causing problems a-
gain. I am praying for you. I
will try to be back tomorrow in t-
he evening (maybe around 11:30 pm).