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Adjust the tint on your TV screen so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way"

Drum on every available table surface

Staple papers in the middle of the page

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"

Set alarms for random times

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to "lick the flavor off"

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" sound

Honk and wave to strangers

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your room mates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Magic"

Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode

Buy large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets

Pay for your dinner with pennies

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes

Write "X-buried treasure" in random spots on road maps

Light road flares on a birthday cake

Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley

Leave tips in Bolivian currency

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador"

Push all the flat lego pieces together firmly

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks

Wear a cape that says "magnificent one"

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song

Drive half a block

Name your dog "Dog"

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination

Ask people what gender they are

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl

Forget the punchline of a really long joke, but assure the listener that it was a "Real Hoot"

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off in case "the big one comes"

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up

Change your name to James Aaaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce every "A"

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down

Chew on pens that you have borrowed

Sing along at the opera

Mow your lawn with scissors

Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance to the Prophecy"

Incessantly recite annoying phrases such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket"

Stare at the static on the TV and claim that you see a "Magic Picture"

Select the same song in the jukebox 50 times

Scuff your feet on dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at anytime

Never make eye contact

Never break eye contact

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

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