HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE
Adjust the tint on your TV screen so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like
Drum on every available table surface
Staple papers in the middle of the page
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Set alarms for random times
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to "lick the flavor off"
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" sound
Honk and wave to strangers
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Rouse your room mates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Magic"
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode
Buy large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets
Pay for your dinner with pennies
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes
Write "X-buried treasure" in random spots on road maps
Light road flares on a birthday cake
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley
Leave tips in Bolivian currency
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador"
Push all the flat lego pieces together firmly
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks
Wear a cape that says "magnificent one"
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song
Drive half a block
Name your dog "Dog"
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination
Ask people what gender they are
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl
Forget the punchline of a really long joke, but assure the listener that it was a "Real Hoot"
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off in case
big one comes"
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
Change your name to James Aaaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being the first in the phone book.
Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce every "A"
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
Chew on pens that you have borrowed
Sing along at the opera
Mow your lawn with scissors
Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance to the Prophecy"
Incessantly recite annoying phrases such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket"
Stare at the static on the TV and claim that you see a "Magic Picture"
Select the same song in the jukebox 50 times
Scuff your feet on dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression
that you'll be saying more at anytime
Never make eye contact
Never break eye contact
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.