FORTUNE COOKIES YOU'VE MISSED
"Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time."
"Man trapped in pantry have buns in jam."
"Work to become, not to acquire."
"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
"Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."
"Don't drink and park; accidents cause people."
"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double-crosser."
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"Never raise hands to angry child; it leaves groin exposed."
"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
"Confucious say, 'Those who quote me are fools.'"
"Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
"Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion!"
"War not determine who's right; war determines who's left."
"Passionate kiss like spider web...lead to undoing of fly."
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night."
"Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."
"Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent."